Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Faking it at Your Job; Finding Your Job

Laura Hawes explores the feeling of faking it in your vocation as well as finding your avocation in motherhood in her journey from Zen chaplain to mother in I was a Zen Dropout. It's a particularly interesting spiritual workplace journey.

An excerpt regarding "faking it":

Zen history is full of stories about young masters who, through reincarnation or religious genius, precociously tear away the veil of delusion. I was not one of them. I was like the thief in the Hindu story, who is stealing gold from the temple. He is about to make his exit when he hears footsteps. To save himself, he pretends to be a meditating sage, and the innocent person is so convinced by the act that they ply him with questions. He is a pretty good fake, and more people come to see him. The thief never manages to get away. He eventually becomes a sage, through the power of the posture he has assumed.

I was that imposter, except that instead of growing into my immense teacher's robes, I recoiled from the act.

An excerpt regarding motherhood:

One day, after exhorting my toddler for the fifteenth time: "nice to kitty!" I found myself gripping her arms and screaming, "YOU HAVE TO BE KIND TO ALL BEINGS!"

It was an unpleasant sort of Samadhi, that realization of my inner Scary Lady.

Give it a read. You'll enjoy it and may find it resonates with you.